OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
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Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize