Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Let's get the cat blown out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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