I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize