This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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