He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
