are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
