That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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