Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
