I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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