Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
