Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
