so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
