ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
soo... how was my night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
