her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
