I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
