he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
