How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just pee around me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
