tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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