I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
