Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
