You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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