i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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