mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sext me about skeletons
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
