The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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