i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
