Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
