when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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