Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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