The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ok first of all what the fuck
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
