I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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