Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we made out on top of his cat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
