The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
