My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
