Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
