I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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