i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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