And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize