hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
