I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
