My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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