Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
