i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize