i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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