I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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