Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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