And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
