i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
