I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
