smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
