im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize