i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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