come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
