My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
