Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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