i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sorry my hands just texted you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
