How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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