I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
being pregnant is like rehab
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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