She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
