somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
