First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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