My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
