I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
