He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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